Spying 101 - Part 2

SPYING 101 (PT 2)

Pursuit and observation.

As a spy, pursuit is important, as is (obviously) spying.

The key is not to let people know you are following or observing them, as this will somewhat defeat the point and the 'mark' (technical term for the person you are following, or followee, which can become confusing if the person you are following is actually called Mark) might behave differently.

When observing someone, it is best to never make eye contact with anyone and at the same time to pretend you are not listening to their conversation whilst storing up anything that can be used against them. Scowl to yourself as though you something much more important on your mind than them. Or play with your i-pod headphones whilst tutting. As an actor I try to imagine I am a fourteen year old EMO girl and this usually sets the right tone.

If you have access to recording equipment (mobiles sometimes have this capacity - or you could use a dictaphone - best of all is if you can bribe a nearby employee to give you access to their CCTV and have a secretarial assistant with good shorthand skills sit with you, though I'm aware that not everyone has this facility, including me) then use it so that you have a concrete record of any naughtiness which may occur.

If you should gain employment with the CIA you will find that all of the above happens as a matter of rote, though you will probably not be given access to it until your lawyer demands it, and even then it's touch and go.

Learn to read their body language - they may appear nervous or perhaps agitated, which could be a sign that they are up to something. Though I have learned to my cost that it does occasionally mean that they have noticed you watching them and they don't like it. At this point use your judgement to decide the best time to leave (before the police arrive is my advice).

If the 'mark' should move then you have to be able to 'shadow' them without arousing suspicion. The best thing would be to have two or three 'agents' follow them in a kind of 'tag-team', but this is not always possible. A change of clothing can help to throw them off. By this I mean a different jacket or hat, maybe even shoes. Changing your trousers in the street is often counter-productive. False moustaches, wigs, contact lenses for close-up work and even false teeth can help too - they will also disguise your accent in a unique and simple way. If you are a proficient actor, like me, change your accent regularly as well as your facial expression - or pretend to have a strange facial tic (though be frugal with this last one, there is fine line between disguise and psychosis).

Practice. This cannot be emphasised enough. Find ways to hone your skills, especially with people you know. This makes shadowing harder, as they are more likely to recognise you, but is less embarrassing if you do get caught. I began with the tabby cat from over the back garden. Standing still when it was looking and creeping slowly up when it looked away. After I few goes I managed to get quite close and then realized I was in next doors garden and the old lady who lives there was watching me. She opened the window and leant out to tell me to fuck off. Luckily I was wearing a long ginger wig and a black boiler suit so I don't think she recognised me.

For the last few weeks I have been following my wife Anna to work and to the shops - even into the garden. I even managed to hide in the laundry basket whilst she went to the toilet, though I almost suffocated when she piled a load of dirty nappies in there - though she did say afterwards that it was a shock to find me there as she had no idea where I was.

Following her has put all of my skills to the test. Ducking into doorways, running around back lanes and side streets in order to get ahead of her and then waiting in shops for her to pass, changing between my overcoat and hoodie. And today I even ducked into a taxi and had him circle the block whilst she was in Bravissimo. Then my phone went and it was, of course, a text from Anna telling me that if I didn't 'stop being a silly bugger' and following her around, she would 'get a restraining order against me.' How we laughed. Or I did. Still don't know how she spotted me.

I headed for home and began following the old man from across the road. Very difficult, as he has a rottweiler that kept growling at me and glancing back, so I had to hide in bushes or behind cars. He shouted that he could see me and was going to call the police, but I don't think he could, as I was in number 62's wheelie bin at the time.

I waited until I was sure he'd gone and sneaked back to our house. There I found the tabby cat from across the back garden shitting on our doorstep. I tried to sneak up on him and catch him in the act but he heard me coming and was gone before I could get close enough to get a photo. Took a couple of shots of the poo though and cleaned it up. Will go around and have words with the owner later, once I've 'cased' the joint and made sure it's not a sociopath or anything that he lives with. There are some strange types around.

Must go now. Anna is home and seems to be having a somewhat fraught conversation with the rottweiler owner from up the road. She keeps looking up at the house in what can only be described as an agitated manner. Time to put my concealment skills to the test, methinks...